Monday, October 27, 2008

seems like the tide is always against doing right...i find strength in my homiez that got my back

When I get down, and frustrated I wonder what the hell am I busting my ass for. Whatever obstacle that has caused me to loose my grounding is just another mountain for me to move.So when I hit this low and I feel down I have to find that strength within to push forward. I often give all props to all the wonderful people I am surrounded by, because knowing that they are there and they got my back makes me keep on. But feeling that I put on myself is what keeps me back, whenever I write 10 songs and decide this time when I go back to the O I am going to do nothing but record, but by the time i get there I get lost and loose that drive and just think who the hell cares what for. And if I listened to my own self doubt and others around me, I would have never graduated from high school, never gone to college, and I would have been stuck in a city where people feel stuck cause most folks you know either have been killed, locked up, not doing nothing, or moved up out, except for the rare folks who stick around and fight the battle and inspire us to grow. So I am "one of the ones that got away" (but please believe I am going to bring all that knowledge back to my hood and try to improve it like anyone should) But at the same time I was able to achieve all those things due to some effort on my part, but probably mostly due to the color of my skin, which in this fucked up world gives me privilege. I'm not saying I'm not talented and I know I have worked damn hard but there is a system keeping back people just a talented as me back, and it breaks my heart to see that this system keep reapeating. In other words I have seen how my mama was able to make something out of nothing and she is now succesful so she tells me you too can make your dreams happen so I push forward and go into the world and make my dreams happen. But my sister who is brown who's mother was not able to make something out of nothing and is struggling passes on to her daughter that it ain't worth getting your hopes up so why even try, but she still tries but people don't receive her the way they receive me because of the color of her skin and so she gives in. So that's why I say that I want equality and that I am willing to give up my privilege. And even if it meant that I would make half the money I make I would give up this un-fair privilege in a heart beat. The reason I can say this and know that I would, is because of what I have experienced and seen my friends go through: from seeing cops pepper spray my classmate when I was in the 4th grade, to every time I am in the car with Phil getting pulled over, to Tamara's dad getting harassed by the pigs, to my friends getting kicked out of class for doing the same shit I did from elementary school to high school, to professors teaching a white washed version of the truth and acting like anything which is un white is weird. That is why I want change and I am willing to pay the price because I know that others pay it everyday...

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