Thursday, December 18, 2008

Monday, December 15, 2008

Reviews i dig

Miss Universe Book by Ruby Veridiano-Ching -Wire Tap

Exact Change CD by Bambu-

Underated and UnderAppreciated


the internet is a crazy thing. The protector in me wants to spend hours at a computer defending my talented homies who get hated on by anonymous people on the internet, and the worst part about it is that the hate is usually obviously racist. But what will my comments really do there is way more white -racist -mccain -voten -judgmental -stereotyping- not -even- realizing -their- -ignorance- or- privelege- type-folks out there than me. So thats why i gotta give props to people that are writing real shit.

Note: in case ya didn't know Im not a professional writer although I do have some rimen skills when it comes to songs, so sorry for the grammer errors but Im not writing to be correct on every spelling level Im writing to tell you what Im writing for, Im writing to be one voice against the wind to speak from that soul within, to hopefully create some change exactly, and I know it won't be rapidly cause factually it never is but a lot has changed since I was a kid and I hope we keep building bridges and supporting the right decisions to be made so our kids and there kids can not have to deal with this shit, and just be free to Live...

Sunday, December 14, 2008

call me crazy

did you know that your technically insane if you haven't slept in 3 days...can't wait for this semester to be ooooooveeeeer

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

womp womp womp

I just got back from the bay, spent 20 hours on the road in traffic to be there for 4 days. Had some good conversation with Phil and the Homie Anitheiess that made the time stuck in ridiculous amount of traffic fly by. We talked about the system, talked about making Exact Change while listening to Exact Change. Talked about our plans. Talked about why we didn't like the line "Rodney King Baby yeah I beat it like a cop" But we did like the line "Tell yo local PD you ain't gon Rodney King me." And the end of it all, like always, I am just a girl speaking my mind, when I speak on racism it is like a man speaking on sexism who has seen women that he loves oppressed by sexism. Feel me. Now ima handle my bizness so i can get this degree and continue to create;art-music-spaces-and hopefully some change...and thats not all folks

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Hip Hop 101 for those melaninly challenged

1. Don't think cause a rapper says it you can say it too, or you can say it as long as there is no black people in the room

2. The whole "er" "a" thang is irrelevant cause in the south everybody says everything with a a

3. You can sing along just don't sing that part and be aware of the lyrics you are injesting.

Alright heres a little story bout a girl from East Oakland, who grew up on Hip Hop and saved up her bus tokens, to trade em for money to buy her some hip hop musica, she would sing along to the words except that one part, when the rapper would get on the track on some rapper type yap, and over the beat that slaps all you'd here is N-word N-word this N-word that, now that lil girl of about 8 new better then to repeat that word, she new better then to think just cause it had "a" at the end that she could bend the rules and sing along to the song, so from then on she started listening to songs, that were labeled as "conscious" cause for one they talked about the shit that mattered to her, instead of rims and champagne and fur, they were talking bout coming together and building up our community, respecting sisters and having unity, but another reason that this girl liked this style of hip hop that she has never admitted to for personal reasons and what not, is that the music didn't say the n-word as much so she could sing along and on and on and on, and lyrically spit back every verse, so this is just one story about a hip hop head, with a thirst for good music that she would bump loud from the time she woke up till she went to bed...

1. My cuzo suggested making up another word while singing along
2. Some folks just pause
3. Other people say Brotha or Sista instead of...
4. I have heard people say "wigga" as a joke but i think thats hella dumb.
5. You could chose to not sing along to any song that has the N-word in it so then you would not be tempted to say or even think the n-word, cause on the real if your a non racist white person you should not want to say a word that puts you in the same category as some of your cracker ancestors, right?

to be continued...

No Thank You

Do I want to honor the many colonizers of the past and present who play that concur and divide shit with black and brown folks? NO THANK YOU.

my thanksgiving is Filipino soul food and has nothing to do with honoring pilgrims, in less than a week we will be basting the turkeys, cooking up some food thats good for the soul in large amounts so the whole fam can come together and give thanks. I love giving thanks but what are we giving thanks for. I know I am NOT giving thanks to all the colonizers in History who tried to make Native People from Puerto Rico to San Francisco extinct.

So I know its already been spoke on many times but its something that I always want to point out because Native issues are not something of the past, the Government still has some messed up policies, and if you think there aren't any Native folks left, I suggest you either go to your local reservation, or show up to my school in March for Pow Wow and see how we do. Heres my school Newspapers take on Thanksgiving (thanks Anna):

In his Oct. 3, 1863 “Proclamation of Thanksgiving,” Lincoln wrote, “To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come … that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God.”When Lincoln wrote this spiritual decree, he likely didn’t perceive that Native American religion would be outlawed within the same generation and would remain banned for more than 50 years.

If he had portended the future, he might have had second thoughts about sanctioning a day to give thanks for the civil rights violations perpetrated on indigenous peoples. Perhaps, instead, he would have chastised the country for wanting to celebrate more than 500 years of land theft, racial oppression and genocides. Our idealism leads us to hope so, anyway.

While the ban on the Sun Dance was eventually lifted, Native Americans still struggle for full, unimpeded access to their spiritualities. We don’t have space to go into the intricacies of how American Indian spirituality continues to be suppressed. There are vast informational resources on Native American perceptions of Thanksgiving on the Internet, which we encourage everybody to search.

One example of ongoing oppression was recently underreported in New Orleans. Last week, a five-year-old Seminole boy was granted permission to keep his braided hair at his elementary school, a long-standing spiritual custom of his nation, according to the Times-Picayune.

Curtis Hario had originally been told that he would have to either cut his hair, wear his braid in a bun or be expelled.

Hario was represented by the American Civil Liberties Union and the Native American Rights Fund in his fight for his civil rights on religious and ethnic grounds. Our country is in shame for making a child fight for his spiritual rights.

As you celebrate Thanksgiving however your traditions dictate, we encourage that you become historically informed and sensitized at its greater ramifications for people of the First Nations.And possibly, the day after, you will pause to respect this Friday as the long overdue first Native American Heritage Day.

Monday, November 17, 2008

i grew up going to La Pena

La Pena is the place I saw Zioni perform for the first time, I took a field trip there in the 6th grade to watch El Norte (wit my spanish class) I saw the Attik perform there, i saw Shannon spit one of her sick ass poems as a 13 year old (i think if not then hella young espacially for the immense talent that she lets seap out of her mouth) and many other talented folks from singers to poets, and when I wanna make a plan with my god mama she usually has to check that she's not doing volunteer work for Kehila or La Pena...(she stays volunteering and going to events). From the community work to the dope music shows La Pena is the place where it goes done!!!

If you are in the bay please check out this show so i can vicariously live threw you cause i hella wish i was able to be there:

Heres a little background on La Pena:

As a welcoming gathering place, La Peña provides opportunities for artists to share diverse cultural traditions, to create and perform their work, and to support and interface with diverse social movements.

Annually, La Peña presents over 200 events with emerging and established artists; organizes an arts education program; produces new works by local artists, presents internationally and nationally renowned artists, and houses a Latin American café which complements the organization's mission.

The peña tradition started in Latin America in the early sixties. The main idea, developed especially by Chilean composer and singer Violeta Parra, was to have a gathering place where artists of all disciplines could share a space. The mission of the peña was to provide good food, music and an overall aesthetic response to an institutional culture that did not provide the space for other creative forms to exist. Peñas in Chile became a major backbone of the cultural program during Salvador Allende's government from 1970 to 1973. It was here where artists-poets, musicians, painters, cooks - gathered to preserve cultural forms and to create new ones.

Our Center was modeled on that specific cultural history. La Peña Cultural Center was started by a multi-racial group of Latin Americans and North Americans as a response to the military coup that overthrew the socialist government of Salvador Allende. The coup happened on Sept. 11, 1973 and was aided and abetted by the U.S. government. La Peña incorporated on September 11, 1974, one year after the military coup and opened its doors in June of 1975.

After one of the bloodiest military coups in Latin American history thousands of individuals and families went into exile throughout the world. Many came to the U.S. and eventually moved to the S.F. Bay Area. Exiles brought to the U.S. their memories and the cultural experiences of having created gathering places for communal art. Thus, La Peña became an imagined country for them as it welcomed this community in diaspora. In turn, the exiles brought their art, music, food, and aspirations for democracy to the center, creating a unique and historical relationship ever since. Some of the exiles that worked with and at La Peña returned to Chile to join the resistance; sadly, a number of these individuals died in the effort to bring democracy to Chile. Other exiles that were related to the Center fought alongside the Sandinistas. However, many of the exiles stayed here, built families, communities and kept working with La Peña.

In the late seventies, war came to Central America. The Nicaraguan community organized support for the end of the Somoza dictatorship. La Peña created special programming, bringing musicians, poets and painters to contribute to these democratic efforts. The war moved in the early eighties to El Salvador and spread throughout Central America. Because of the experience of helping the Chilean exiles, and due to the fact that the Chileans were an integral part of the center, La Peña was a safe-haven for many Central American refugees. A historical semiotic reading of the mural at La Peña can reveal these events that took place in the history of Latin America.

In addition, La Peña has made concrete efforts to foster a close relationship with groups in Latin America that organize national and international cultural events. La Peña sent delegates to the Cultural Congress in Chile during the dictatorship, to Latin American New Song Festivals in Ecuador and Nicaragua, as well as to conferences in Cuba. The La Peña Chorus has toured Cuba, Chile, and Chiapas, Mexico.

The founders and the staff that have since joined La Peña have always made sure to link the arts and culture to a vision for peace and social justice. Since our beginnings, we have also pursued linkages with local groups such as the American Indian Movement, the Black Panthers, and the Comexas organizers in East Oakland, the Emiliano Zapata Street Academy, and the No on Prop. 209 work, and other local progressive groups. Important to us has been the long history of working with the United Farm Workers. Given this relationship, Cesar Chávez celebrated his 50th birthday at La Peña. In June of 2000, another UFW co-founder, Dolores Huerta celebrated her 70th birthday at the center. Moreover, La Peña also has maintained a close relationship with KPFA, and at one point we had a weekly regular program produced at La Peña with La Peña staff and volunteers. On the international level, La Peña was an active participant in the anti-apartheid movement.

Our place has been the principal articulator and has supported important cultural groups and their ideas. Grupo Raiz-which was born at La Peña-together with El Tecolote¹s Acción Latina, organized and created the basis for the "Encuentro del Canto Popular," which later became a Bay Area institution. The renowned group Altazor, a feminist expression of Nueva Canción, was also created at La Peña. Dr. Loco credits La Peña as the place where his band began its career. Culture Clash has always mentioned and cherished La Peña for our initial support for their artistic endeavors. In sum, we have been a crucial and active component of the cultural scene in the Bay Area, the state, the country and the world.

Therefore, our understanding of our mission as a cultural center has been to make the necessary connections between art and politics. At the same time we have sought to make the connection between local, national and international efforts for democracy, self-determination and a world where the gap between those who need and those who have too much will disappear.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

computer drawings

My quick computer drawings of some of my favorite paintings...

The Great Wave off Kanagawa by Hokusai

with inspiration from Justin Bua-DJ

when I'm stuck at a computer without auto cad or 3d programs I try to draw (these are quick drawings actually from facebook) Usually i just play with one of the first computer programs to ever be invetented: "Paint" since I'm broke I like doing this cause although its very limited I don't have to pay for paint or other art supplies...and there's nothing to clean up : )

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

for all the Cup Cakers out there

Caked And Screwed - EyeASage

Feeling this ish right here how come underground artists always do it better?

I ain't hating cause I cup cake too
But don't let everything revolve around yo boo
This song right here, EyeASage's words are true
I guess you can call it cup cake commandments part 2
But I hope that these young girls get un blinded and see
That having a baby ain't the fantasy its cracked up to be
Shit babies gotta eat and clothes and pampers ain't free...

Sunday, November 9, 2008

back from Naw Leeeans

just got back from my trip to New Orleans Ima post a long ass rant on all the shit I saw with flicks and all that as soon as I'm at home and I get a minute to breath...

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

One of the best


if you don't already know about this talented M.C. that goes by Bambu, then I am sorry for u.

Go get it. Get What? EXACT CHANGE!

Bambu "Crooks & Rooks" Teaser from Xylophone Films on Vimeo.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

what a day to be alive


I ain't never felt like this, I know this is just the beginning and he got a hard job ahead of him but on today I got a big cheesy smile plastered on my face, this has completely changed politics...did I mention how juiced i am to have Michelle Obama as First Lady, what a beautiful woman, and by that I mean intelligent good hearted and of course the obvious gorgeousness, woman to represent our country...there is no looking back...

Monday, November 3, 2008

I'm so ready

As I have said before Barack winning will not mean and end to the fight there will still be a huge amount of change but I am so ready to actually respect the leader in the place that I live. To know that the Leader of the country I live in shares the same hope for equality and change is gonna be something new. The last time I remember not hating the president i was about 5 years old, its gonna be crazy to have a president that I think is the best person to run the country, and who has actually made a speech that had me shed a tear. I'm so ready.

I filled out my little form so all I gotta do is go to the poll, without my Obama attire, with my id, and fill in some bubbles...I AM SO READY TO CELEBRATE OBAMA WINNING! I am so ready to like my President for the first time in my life, I am so ready to see HISTORY MADE, I am so ready to smile at the fucking republican that had the nerve to try and hate on me for speaking out that I love Obama.


its been a long time coming but a change gon come...oh yes it is...

in a hanful of hours Obama will have won,IT IS NOT THE END,

Friday, October 31, 2008

that ain't scary, thats just wrong

Its all fun and games when it ain't you getting put it to a box, told how to act, oppressed, labeled, and taught to have self hatred because you are the "other", and considered a people that are joke able and buy able, at your local Halloween discount store...

geisha girl Halloween costume

The article they posted is dead on!
click HERE to read.

I think its a little different when it's a hip hop fan dressing up as a artist they like. I don't wanna say I think it's ok or not ok because I am not here to pass judgment. I selected these images because it shows that there is a very thin line between fun and going to far. But I always think that its a good idea to be on the safe side if there is a risk of racially offending someone. so is Someone dressing up as T-Pain for Halloween different from the above pictures? why or why not? I am not trying to hate-or hate on one person alone for this, but rather address the disappoint I have when some people are insensitive, and challenge and promote the discussion of what is considered socially exceptable and what is racially insensitive.

My problem is that "ethnic races" are being made fun of or laughable, yet "white" is considered the standard or the norm. It is assumed that superman, and wonder women, and the joker, and the business man are all white. Holidays are one of the ways that you can easily see how racism is taught to kids (how many Santa Clauses do you see that are not white?). When I used to teach young kids, I had a friend of mine come in and teach a game and I told the kids that he was superman, one kid quickly replied that he couldn't be superman because "he's black." this was something this 6 year old had learned he was not born limiting his ideas of super heroes to one race, that was taught to him.

Friday Free-(day) Style

In honor of Halloween

I wish-

I wish I could go back in time and save every single one of my homies that ain't with us, I wish I could go back in time and right every wrong and all the many acts of injustice, I wish I was bullet proof so i could save all the youth that were taken to soon: then: I wish I could have been there to block the bullet that took Meleia Willis Starbucks life, I wish I could have been there in LA when some punk tried to stab my man with a knife, I will never stop fighting for peace and all my homies are the reason, I won't stop can't stop until we have won, And I wish I coulda been there to protect my lil bruh when that kid held him up with a gun I am not talking just to talk or making songs just to sing I am trying to make some change Don't think I'm just trying to make my name and act like this shits a game and just for fun I am targeting anyone who is racist, violent towards women, like the brat brat brat of a gun Or just ain't doing shit when they see it being done, cause let’s face it what’s the difference. So I am speaking on it ain't never scared like I dare you to say something, I want to promote discussion like it’s your favorite function, and keep people wondering, why is the system this way, So then everyone will say, today is the day, change and peace will come for me when everyone of every color is free

Thursday, October 30, 2008


If you want custom made shoes and shirts look no further then SINCE 88. These talented frisco neighborhood kids are doing it well and I am honored to be able to call em my homiez. These clothes represent the lifestyle us creative dreamers like and I love their style. And ladies don't trip they got yo size and style too. So holla at em and they got whatever you like and they customize it---


The GUHD Lifes.




playa cards right

Love is for Suckers

I would not change the love I have loved
I never wasted one tear
I ain't mad that I care
and felt pain and felt fear
but at the end of the day
no matter what he say
Ima put myself #1
like its the first day of my life
and I have just begun


I got this shirt at a buffalo exchange store a while back because even though
everyone knows I'm all about love, I have officially joined the Love Hater movement.
This doesn't mean I'm a hater, or that I don't think my last name is One Love-
This concept means different things to different people but basically:
don't let the love of ya life- run ya life-put yourself first!

If you are still confused-I suggest you go get yourself a copy of

and listen to cup cake commandments on repeat.

my shit!

i am found near the sound of underground hip hop- gas prices got my pockets on e feeln hungry not eating so that's why I Do Dat and bump the SKINNY as I press on the gas and hit 60 just to make it to class but give me a bus token and i'll be happy to ride the bus better yet i want GUERILLA BUSFARE like my sister Krish do, thats when I heard Bambu say I got EXACT CHANGE cool I say, Ima get on the bus cause it rides my way, as the music play:

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

call em how I see 'em--don't come at me wrong on myspace

I have a love and hate relationship with myspace, I have connected with some wonderful people from homiez I grew up with, to people of like minds, who I am honored to call my friends, and i love that it allows me to have easy access to good music.

But the shit that gets on my nerves are the never ending random ass friend requests, the inquires for art and then faking, dudes trying to be cutty buddy when they know I have a man, and the fact that it has added to a culture where people are constantly trying to take pictures of themselves to post it so they can look like they have a life of myspace, and girls posing in there thongs-putting it up on the internet, for what?

I was in the computer lab the other day waiting to print out my report and as i was waiting I watched this girl who kept uploading pictures and making slide shows of her out at clubs and cup caking with her man, writing these little captions, and in that moment i was able to see how vane it is too be all about pictures of yourselves, I'm not knocking her and I am guilty of it too, but I just think it' s a little self absorbed, now that doesn't apply to [music] artists cause with that its a way to connect with fans.Anyway I sometimes go for months making a conscious effort to not go on myspace cause I don't have time, & I don't want my time to go to it, and because I want to see if I am effected by it (i do the same thing with T.V and other things just to make sure I am not brainwashed or dependent on anything).

Anyways I checked my friend request box and found more folks I didn't know (taking up space), but 2 people who wrote a message, one was from this cool homie who was saying he read this here blog (he's on my bloglist-'From Ashy to Classy') and I checked his blog and I'm feeling it, cause he's speaking for folks like myself with empty pockets and fresh style and big dreams.

anyway then I look at the next message and its a kid from one of my classes, who will remain nameless but this is what it said "wow you never told me your bf was black that is why when i say o right oright you are happy o right than see you in class." and I just got out of class with him and he proceeded to talk in this manor about how shocked he was that I kicked it with the "sistaaas" and that he didn't think I was the type of girl to have a "ghetto black boyfriend." And then proceeded to tell me that some of his friends spoke "black languages" and that he new ghetto people too. (I'm tired its been along day my first reaction is to cus him out, or pretend like i didn't hear him so I woudn't have to get mad or deal with it, but I feel it's my responsibility to all the people I know and all the knowledge I have learned from seeing this fucked up system, to speak out when ignorant comments are made, plus he talked about my man so I had to say something...)

Please believe that I corrected him saying that he was over generalizing and that if he was talking about slang than thats called Ebonics but if he was talking about a language from a country in Africa than he should find out the name of it and what specific country his "homie" was from (i let him know I have friends from three different parts of Africa and that they all speak different languages with the example of my homegirl Sojourner who is from Tanzania and speaks Swahili) then I informed him that there is a difference between ghetto and black, and that I grew up in an area that was not that white, and predominately African American, but that I don't limit myself to kick in it with one race, and that my boyfriend is half Filipino and doesn't consider himself ghetto, no matter what hood he was raised (because against all odds he was able to live, to graduate from high school (look up the Oakland drop out rate) and go to a good college and has never sold drugs or killed someone in his life)...anyway I said it in a way without getting angry or making him feel bad but just to let him know not to get it twisted. Whenever I have these little incidents I always hope that that person's mind is opened just a little bit, maybe an inch, so some of those stereo types can escape and some knowledge about other cultures can get let in. In order to continue to speak out, I have to tell myself that even if I cannot see impact, it is there. And that is a true lesson in patience.

Each week its another battle, another comment, another frustrating moment. The only thing that gets me thorugh is to see like minded people who feel how I feel. I was missing my bay fam and then I got to kick it with some dope folks. Just conversating with such wise intelligent like minded folk made every moment of this week so far, not seem so hard, my friends are my motivation to get thru.

that's all i really wanted to say, I'm tired as hell but on my way to pull another all nighter, and I ain't gonna stop fighting until the battle is won!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

that makes me mad...

ok so besides the fact that Palin getting nominated was an insult to all women votes and the feminist movement, there's something else that made me mad, we all know the lady is from Alaska and she try's to claim that she's not cut off from the rest of America -I been there and my Aunt and Uncle live there after getting recruited like a scene straight out of Fairenheit 911 to join the army they ended up there and it IS CUT OF FROM THE REST OF THE WORLD and my auntie gotta bumper sticker that says ALASKAN'S NOT FOR PALIN (yeeh)....but thats not my point my point is: I'M SICK OF PEOPLE SAYING "ESKIMO"-that is a term put on the native Inuit people by some white european colonizers that translates as FISH EATER so not exactly what they want to be referred to. anyway I am always a fan of poking fun at yourself so heres the video where they use the WRONG word to describe the native people in the area that one lady MOOSE KILLER is from:

Heres the "rap" lyrics:

one two three

my name is sarah palin you all know me
vice president nominee of the gop
gonna need your vote in the next election
can i get a ‘what what’ from the senior section
mccain got experience, mccain got style
but don’t let him freak you out when he tries to smile
cause that smile be creepy
but when i be vp
all the leaders in the world gonna finally meet me

how’s it go eskimo
tell me what you know eskimo
how you feel eskimo
(ice cold)
tell me tell me what you feel eskimo
(super cold)

i’m jeremiah wright cause tonight i’m the preacha
i got a bookish look and you’re all hot for teacha
todd lookin fine on his snow machine
so hot boy gonna need a go between
in wasilla we just chill baby chilla
but when i see oil lets drill baby drill

my country tis a thee
from my porch i can see
russia and such

all the mavericks in the house put your hands up
all the mavericks in the house put your hands up
all the plumbers in the house pull your pants up
all the plumbers in the house pull your pants up

when i say ‘obama’ you say ‘ayers’
obama. (ayers) obama (ayers)
i built me a bridge - it ain’t goin’ nowhere.

mccain, palin, gonna put the nail in the coffin
of the media elite
(she likes red meat)
shoot a mother-humpin moose, eight days of the week

[three gunshots]
now ya dead, now ya dead,
cause i’m an animal, and i’m bigger than you
holdin a shotgun walk in the pub
everybody party, we’re goin on a hunt
la la la la la la la la
[six gunshots]

to me it was funny only because of the way she was dancing to the music and those faces she make...


IF YOU ARE ABLE TO VOTE-VOTE OBAAAAAAMAAA not only for you mama but for ya children and there children lets start to fix this system erase some of the racism but never sweep it under the rug, so hold out ya re-arrange society mug,we need some CHANGE!

(name what song has the title of this post in the beginning of the song in a elmer fudge type voice)

Monday, October 27, 2008

seems like the tide is always against doing right...i find strength in my homiez that got my back

When I get down, and frustrated I wonder what the hell am I busting my ass for. Whatever obstacle that has caused me to loose my grounding is just another mountain for me to move.So when I hit this low and I feel down I have to find that strength within to push forward. I often give all props to all the wonderful people I am surrounded by, because knowing that they are there and they got my back makes me keep on. But feeling that I put on myself is what keeps me back, whenever I write 10 songs and decide this time when I go back to the O I am going to do nothing but record, but by the time i get there I get lost and loose that drive and just think who the hell cares what for. And if I listened to my own self doubt and others around me, I would have never graduated from high school, never gone to college, and I would have been stuck in a city where people feel stuck cause most folks you know either have been killed, locked up, not doing nothing, or moved up out, except for the rare folks who stick around and fight the battle and inspire us to grow. So I am "one of the ones that got away" (but please believe I am going to bring all that knowledge back to my hood and try to improve it like anyone should) But at the same time I was able to achieve all those things due to some effort on my part, but probably mostly due to the color of my skin, which in this fucked up world gives me privilege. I'm not saying I'm not talented and I know I have worked damn hard but there is a system keeping back people just a talented as me back, and it breaks my heart to see that this system keep reapeating. In other words I have seen how my mama was able to make something out of nothing and she is now succesful so she tells me you too can make your dreams happen so I push forward and go into the world and make my dreams happen. But my sister who is brown who's mother was not able to make something out of nothing and is struggling passes on to her daughter that it ain't worth getting your hopes up so why even try, but she still tries but people don't receive her the way they receive me because of the color of her skin and so she gives in. So that's why I say that I want equality and that I am willing to give up my privilege. And even if it meant that I would make half the money I make I would give up this un-fair privilege in a heart beat. The reason I can say this and know that I would, is because of what I have experienced and seen my friends go through: from seeing cops pepper spray my classmate when I was in the 4th grade, to every time I am in the car with Phil getting pulled over, to Tamara's dad getting harassed by the pigs, to my friends getting kicked out of class for doing the same shit I did from elementary school to high school, to professors teaching a white washed version of the truth and acting like anything which is un white is weird. That is why I want change and I am willing to pay the price because I know that others pay it everyday...

not at all perfect...



I have been in a funk and feeling a little like I am disappointing myself, and others. I'm in my forth year of college and I love that I am learning skills that are so practical and career orientated, but I am ready to be done, not done learning but done giving all day everyday, or at least get a second to breath but when i think about it even though I am stressed I have no reason to complain. but It seems to be moving fast and I am stuck-if that makes any sense. I think I am not practicing the whole balance thing that well. Maybe it's that I miss my bay area family. Maybe its because I have some self doubt, and all that motivation built up to succeed seems to have withered away a little bit, or maybe I am just tired and need to get some sleep. Anyway even though we all know no one is perfect I tend to hold myself, and those closest to me up to this standard of perfection and this always leads to me feeling disappointed. I know its fucked up but i still be doing it. If I am not getting up early, working on homework, cleaning the apartment until it's spotless, making dinner, making art, making music, volunteering my time to a good cause, working two jobs to pay the bills, and supporting all the people I love, I feel guilty as hell. This guilt is pointless because it doesn't make me do all those things it just makes me feel like crap.

These standards were never put onto to me, my mom never told me I had to go to college and be perfect, this has all been put onto me, by me. So its not like I am saying look what someone is doing to me, I am acknowledging that I am my own worst enemy that the very essence and characteristics i posses that make me the driven lady that i am are exactly whats holding me back and no one is to blame but me. That really doesn't sound right because that almost sounds like a cry for sympathy and the last thing i want is someone to feel sorry for me. Sometimes I should just stop overthinking things it tends to cause paradoxes like someone putting themselves in tiny caging boxes, that keep them feeling trapped and headed for disaster. if this doesn't make a damn bit of sense to you its mostly cause you probably don't get me and because I am not editing myself for thee- I am the only one responsible for making myself feel down, and by holding myself to that I can step my game up and get to my dreams, I will rise from this and learn from it too make me stronger. I have been disregarding what I know, which is that anything is achievable and you get what you what by affirming it. Instead of the usual positive mentality that I have to keep living and loving even when its hard I shut down a part of me, and started telling myself that I was dumb for not doing everything right. So I want to take the advice of my sister, and Anitheiess, and Phil, and Katiana, and stop being hard on myself because I am not at all perfect. This doesn't mean to let go of my values and priorities and stop trying to be a better person, please believe I will always do that and stay true to myself, but to change my mentality so that I can take some weight of my shoulders and feel free to do what is in my power to do one little lovely moment at a time.

These are just my thoughts but I know we all go through this, part of this is also forgiving others for not being perfect, and always keeping yourself in check--- to never lie to myself about who I am and what I want out of life. This is in no way complaining about what I am going through because I know how blessed I am for everything I have in this life, and how lucky I am to be alive, and to have accomplished all that I have thus far.

Ima go handle my business now, projects and traveling. soooo Peace!

our prayers go out to the family of Jennifer Hudson...

I was bout to write a blah blah blog about how I saw that Beyonce is going to play Etta James and share her version of Atlast, but I just read the Chicago Sun Times article posted by Krish on

"Body of child found on West Side may be Julian King

The boy's stepfather, William Balfour, remains the primary suspect in the murders, police sources say. He is the estranged husband of Julia Hudson, who lived in the home with her brother Jason, 29, and mother, Darnell Donerson, 57. Julia Hudson is Julian's mother and the sister of Jennifer Hudson."

Jennifer's mother and brother were shot, and since then her nephew was missing. This of course has gotten a lot of media attention based on how horrible a crime it is, but also because Jennifer Hudson is a celebrity and a Oscar winner. I don't want to take away from this, because it is extremely heartbreaking and horrible, and I hope that this media attention brings her some support. But I do want to say that these incidents of violence happen everyday to innocent regular people, who are just as important as any celebrity.

What's going through my head is this could have been a boy that I know and love, who is 4 years old and who's life, and his mothers life, has been at risk because he has a father who is abusive. I hate it because as much as I can try, I cannot protect my friend and her child.
Domestic violence is horrible, but when kids are involved it is even worse. So to any child, or person effected by violence, and to the family of Jennifer Hudson, you are in our prayers, and well wishes.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

..::back in the day::.

these joints always have me thinking bout middle school and elementary when it was pagers on the hip and knockers and braids in the hair, and candy from the liquor store, but i was born in '87 so some of these songs came way before me, but I am an old soul so i feel like these old school hop hop songs represent my child hood, i still remember wearing jellies and listening to sprinkle me, walking home from Glenview to my "not as good neighborhood" known as the dirty thirtys, hanging out with Dwayne hooping all day, I remember when me and my sister took a grocery cart and made it our go cart and ran round the neighborhood playing, and made a tree house out of a refrigerator box, and wanted to be like them older fly girls that were cross walk monitors with the white gloves like Micheal Jackson. When I played b-ball everyday, and drew ninja turtles with Jesse my homie from around the way. Tamara stuck to my sister like glue and they painted there nails, and we made up dances to TLC songs, and listened to Bone Thugs and Harmony on the daily, I, as always was a wandering soul who never stuck to one thing or one person, or one group. Still this day I cannot fit in one box and hold many titles. All this retro music coming out right now got me reminiscing, so all the people born in the 80's this is for you. and Kid Sister does it well like with this ish right heeeere:

i love her flavor...(1:09- the other half of Yellow Cakes my homegirl Kara's group in the Chi)

...woke up this morning with a smile on my face...

ALERT: for the love haters out there this post may contain major cup caking
cup cakes Pictures, Images and Photos

Sunday morning- feeling good all because of him- recap
Last night we finally got a night out together (our schedules have been conflicting and we live together so we tend to just always be at the crib together...) to go to the BEATROCK Long Beach store opening. They put on an amazing show, as we were waiting for the next performer to hit the stage, my man, after sipping on one too many margaritas, starts free-stylen in my ear. My man can't rap I'm not being mean I am being honest he has no flow, he can sing (we both sing that's how we met) but he can't rap, but I love when he tries, and most likely I know I'm the only person who will ever hear it. anyway We go back and forth doing this, after 7 years I love that we are still always sweetly surprised, he can still give me butterflies, I still feel lucky when I look in his eyes, it's still exciting, and I still love hereing the things he has to say to me. We go on back and forth -ima flow about that plant, rap about your eyes, Ima flow about the art on the walls...(((We must have felt comfortable in this place, must of felt like all those people were family, like minded people quick to throw a complemet at you, because we didn't have our usual wall put up, we let ourselves act like no one was watching us, like no one would come up to us and say an annoying comment, and we were right no one did, everyone was hella cool)))...we keep going over the beat back and forth like ping pong until we realize goddamn we don't usually ever let ourselves display that much affection in public. To everyone else we probably looked like we were telling each other dirty secrets or something.That may sound kinda weird that I don't like to show the love i have, for my soul mate, but there are a lot of reasons why: First off its just not in my personality, we always have homies with us and it would be kinda awkward for them if we were always all over each other, and the last one should not be a reason but it is, people hate on us, and it's just easier to look like we could be just friends. I gotta go to the studio (design studio not recording studio although I kinda wish it were reversed..) but i will continue this soon...this will spiral into some other topics i been thinking of tackling on this here blog...oh yeah and some flicks coming soon too....and architectural sketches-when I get a second to breathe...

so even tho i was just a another person in the crowd...Thank You to BEATROCK and every single person who was there last night including all the visual artisits, and bay area friendly was hella fun, even though i was hella tired...

Thursday, October 23, 2008


just felt like writing this-
When I was in the 10th grade we read the poem on the statue of liberty and wrote our own version, if you know my politics then you can imagine what mine was like, basically speaking on how America says "bring me your poor" so I can use you, and under pay you, and label you as an alien, and discriminate against you. Anyways I have always had a political undertone to most of the poems that I write and I play on the line between hopeful and hopeless depending on how i feel, most of my poems are extremely hopeful like we-gotta-rise-and-smile-and just keep- living-and-loving-and protesting type poems and I always contributed that to listening to Hip Hop. The hip hop artists that I love, some of who I have been honored to sit down and talk with about their political views, are ones that can balance that same battle of hopefulness and hopeless, so it's not sugar coating it, but also not so depressing you don't wanna hear it. In the spirit of the election and just a random thought in my head I started comparing Hip Hop lyrics that are political, to political speeches, thus Hip Hop Amerika.

"The American dream wasn't meant for me, cause lady liberty's a hypocrite she lied to me, promised me freedom, education, and equality never gave me nothing but slavery but now look at how dangerous you made me calling me a mad man because im strong and bold."
-Tupac Shakur

"Block by block, we restored hope and opportunity to those neighborhoods, and I can believe we can do the same thing for the working families of America."

"A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual doom. "
-Martin Luther King Jr.

"They got money for wars but can't feed the poor."
-Tupac Shakur

"I wish you insight so you could see for yourself
You could see the signs when the jackers is scheming
And the cops is comin, you could read they mind
You could see from behind, you could redefine
the game as we know it, one dream at a time
I'm American dreamin"
-Shawn Carter

"I don't see an American Dream I see an American Nightmare."
Malcolm X

" seems we living the American dream, the people highest up got the lowest self esteem, the prettiest people do the ugliest things, for the road to riches and diamond rings..."

As you know I am a huge Obama supporter and part of that is my hope for America to be
a place of equality where great leaders of any color are given the voice. But I been thinking
about how things are swept under the rug now, and how having a black president is not going
to change that, and it might make it even worse (don't get me wrong its still worth it too have
Obama as president) A lot of white people believe racism is a thing of the past and that nothing
needs to be done, even thought it is very apparent that America itself is a racist system. I know
Obama can bring us change, and in every speech he gives I am given hope, but I want to make sure
that the victory of having a wonderful president when he is elected in Nov. doesn't turn into,
oh good the battle is one we can all go home now (when I say battle I don't mean the war in the
middle east I mean the freedom fighter peaceful protesting injustice battle).

So vote Obama but know that he is just one amazing man and there's a whole
lot of fucked up people in this country doing everything in their power to make
sure the systems stay the way they are, so it takes all the everyday freedom fighters
out there to help that change come...

Monday, October 20, 2008

All i need is a pen and pad headphones and a mic...

(props to Chinaka for making a blog like this-that was my inspiration, that and having a crappy freaking monday)(this was one of my favorite books when I was little and my god mama would read it too me and I would feel like I wasn't alone like even though I was struggling that some little boy, in where ever the hell he was from had it bad too, and instead of comparing myself to some kid in Australia, I would think about the kids in Haiti that we were fund raising for, or any kids around the world in third world slums, and I'd realize I had it good, in fact I would feel appreciative for my payless shoes, and a lunch it in my lunch box, for my second hand toys and clothes, and the village of women that raised me, and my mama who put in long hours saving peoples lives, to provide and see her baby girls smile)
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It all started off like this: I woke up to the sound of Kanye's Champion-ringtone on my partner's phone at 4:00AM, don't ask me why it was 4:00 and not the usual 5:30 and why I woke up when I usually sleep right on thru the second snooze until I usually hear "get up baaaaby", but as I heard Did you re-Alize that UUU R a Champion in my Eyes, yes i did...i felt the morning migraine that usually visits me when I'm stressing, or once a month, but I hop my ass up and head to the bathroom take 2 Excedrin and head back to bed thinking I can get at least 30 more minutes, no such luck some car outside my window was making hella noise and my head began to pound. It probably didn't help that i stayed up the night before finishing a project, but that's the usual, I get up brush my teeth, take a shower, and go into the kitchen to make breakfast, two scrabbled eggs just the way he likes, a piece of toast and potatoes, with some kiwi on the side, and I put the water on for coffee for myself.

My partner gets up does his routine eats and I send him on his way, but he takes my keys by accident. This is OK I think I will just take his keys...if I can find them. Anyway I was just in a funk and I once i found the keys I had to go to the bank and deal with some bull crap and then get my car registered pay off a couple parking tickets that I didn't know about, and head to school, to roam around on campus looking for a parking spot, when I finally found one, this beezy swooped in front of me like she didn't see my blinker on, first thought was its cookies i bet you gon be scared to get out of ya car now sucka if I just park it and mean mug ya, but then I scratched all that negativity and kept driving. Finally found a spot hella far away, I walk across campus past the Pyramid, past the track field, past the computer lab, with t-square, portfolio, tool box in hand, and my back back filled with books like im carrying a damn coffin on my back. Some how managing to be on time, but on time for this class means late cause you can rarely get a seat and it's a studio class (design drawing) and the only table left had a broken a mayline, so I went to the office to check a t-square out but they weren't open. So far my day just kinda sucks...

Then my coo coo for co co puffs teacher who always wears tropical shirts like he's on vacation in Hawaii, decided to give us a pop midterm, really? in a class where all we due is draft, perspectify, draw and pin up, and sketch, and draw some more, you gave us a drawing pop quiz mid-term, maybe in rapid vis. but in 132 foreal? anyway didn't do so good on that but o well. Then come to find out the one drawing I took out of my portfolio is the one we need today to work on our next project, whoops.

Anyway next it's on to my Lighting midterm and that would be the- some good- cause I did good, wrote out 7 pages of short answer essays and it was an open book test, but it ain't all good cause that's a studio class too since when is there Midterms in non lecture classes. I Anyway the book is nice i recommend it to design students in architecture related fields but the cheapest price is $58 dollars...

Anyway then I hit up my homegirl Y'vonne to chat while I walk to my car, this is about the highlight of my whole day, she's visiting from the East Coast, she's a fellow singer song writer fly mama and it's been since April and she's fenna come down and visit me (she's in SF rite now) so that's cool, but I get off the phone to drive to work, and there's construction all around uggggh, then I get to work 5 minutes early but that's 5 minutes late of stuck up white people time, and homie tells me that I should work for 2 hours and then leave, waste of my f*cking time, but anyway get home realize that I haven't even eaten all day, and my cup of coffee that I made this morning is still sitting on the counter un- touched where I left it. I take off my shoes take another Excedrin (the migraine won't let up) draw out some sketches for the GD project me and Phil are working on, take a deep breath, and think to myself goddamn this was the Monday that I thought would never end.
Then I turn on the stereo, blast it until my man says "damn baby you tryna make the neighbors hate us." nope just habit I grew up in a basement I like my music LOOOOud. so I put the head phones on and listen to a mix of some of my favorite songs and it goes little something like this:(this is a run through of some of my favorite Hip Hop songs, and the lyrics i like...
(i didn't take the time to check them and i've never looked em up its just the line that stick in my head, be my guest to correct me if i got anything wrong)

Pharcyde-Passing me By

Now there she goes again, the dopest Ethiopian
And now the world around me be gets movin in slow motion
when-ever she happens to walk by - why does the apple of my eye
overlook and disregard my feelings no matter how much I try?
Wait, no, i did not really pursue my little princess with persistance;
And I was so low-key that she was unaware of my existance
From a distance I desired, secretly admired her;
Wired her a letter to get her, and it went:
My dear, my dear, my dear, you do not know me but I know you very well
Now let me tell you about the feelings I have for you
When I try, or make some sort of attempt, I slip
Damn I wish I wasn't such a wimp!
'Cause then I would let you know that I love you so
And if I was your man then I would be true
The only lying I would do is in the bed with you
Then I signed sincerely the one who loves you dearly, PS love me tender
The letter came back three days later: Return to Sender
She keeps on passin me by...

Heart of the City-(married to the Hustle-EyeAsage!)
"the inner city was a trap, so I learned how to rap,
salt and peppa and monie love yeah they had my back,
if it wasn't for that, I wouldn't know how to push it..."

This my One-E-40 TooShort
"Where I stay they dye the tip of they locks
Get they hair done down at Nappy or Not.BAY AREA!...
Droppin off lola in the Wal*Mart parkin lot"

When we were Kids-Luda and the fam
"We were trying so hard
Hard to survive
Cause even though we were young
We had to stay strong
No matter what we went through
It was me and my crew
And thats how it went
When we were kids
A child of the cOrn been wild since I was born

Climbin' over barb wire clothes got torn
Shoes got muddy and my click turned cruddy
Wherever I go they went they my buddy's
I brush teef brush naps and cause treats
Dreamin' of Cadillacs with wheels and plush seats
Cats with gold teeth and raps with such beats
Macks with no grief and some sacks of green leaf "

Dear Summer -JayZ
"I drop heat like you bring the sun up...In all the success i received I know you can't believe I still love em but they don't love me, they like ya drunk uncle in ya family, you know they lame still you love em the same..."

Till the End of time- Pac
"please lord forgive me for my life of sins...for quiet times disappear listen to the ocean
smoking ports, think my thoughts, then it's back to coasten, who can I trust in this cold world..."

I know I can-Nas
"this is for the grown girls who's only ten the ones who watch video and do what they see
up in the club with fake id, careful b for you meet a man with HIV, you can host a show on t.v like Oprah Winfrey..."

All falls down- Kanye

"that mojor that she majored in don't make no money but she won't drop out her parents will look at her funny...her hair so long that it look like weave, then she cut it all off now she look like Eve, she be dealing with some issues that you can't believe

Say Nothing-A-T-T-I to the K
"Should know better than to try me by now you couldn't under mind me if ya was my eye brow...I speak up speak out my action follow my mouth I figure out what I want and than that's what I'm about.."

Resurrection-EyeAsage and Bambu
"Don't let the white people tell you the formula for succes
cause history will tell you that would be a knife in the chest
they shook our hands and they smiled, while they stood there and lied
and systematically attempted at complete genocide..."

Resurrection-Bone Thugs and Harmony

Streets are on fire-Lupe Fiasco
"Death is on the tip of her tongue and dangers at the tip of her fingers
streets are on fire tonight
Disease the virus is spreading in all directions no safe zone no cure and no protection
no symptoms define the signs of an infection no vaccines, remedies, and no corrections
Quarantine the dreams and seal off the connections don't let them in not a friend not a reflection everybody's got it and want you to have it next and don't accept them if you want to stay as an exception no pill can heal the ill of this sickness some are still in doubt of its existence some call it forgiveness and some call it the vengeance
some say it's an exit and some say it's an entrance
the poor say the rich have the cure
the rich say the poor are the source
revolutionaries say it's physiological war
invented by the press, just to have something to report
some say the first case came from a maternity ward
some say a morgue, some say the skies, some say the floors
whores say the nuns, nuns say the whores
and everybody is sure
the scientist say it only affects the mind
the little boy said it only affects the girls
the preacher man said it's going to kill off the soul
a bum said it's going to kill the whole wide world!"

International Guerilla Anthem- Bambu & Do Dat
"I typed a text to a girl I used to see
saying that I heard the new about her brother over seas...
Hide ya Heart- Amerika don't love you all she want is the money
got a uncle been pimp'n since the 1700's
Bomb all the haters
Invade all the neighbors
got this country built up off of our free labor..."

Diamonds frm Sierra Leone-Kanye West

Mnah No Sleep- The Attik

Drop it like its hot-Snoop Pharrel (mostly for the beat)

Thugish Ruggish Bone-Bone thugs and Harmony

5 on it Remix

Pull it Back -Bambu

I'm On One- The Team
"Been a month, a week, couple days without smokin
Smoke blunt, got weak, broke the weed down split the swish open
Yeah east oakland boys tend to spark alot
Transform a drop buttons transform the top
Just bought the box 8-80 a killa shox
I'm Bay Bridge on my way to that Mission Rock...
shit I'm 4 hunned miles away
sunset knockin somethin bounce back to the bay
trap dump from the jump I'm all out of my scape
Go Guriella gotta get it Spectator parade..."

Elevator (Me and Youuu) -Outkast
"I know y'all got buku of hoes from all them songs that y'all done made
And I replied that I had been goin through tha same thing that he had
True I got more fans than the average man but not enough loot to last me
to the end of the week, I live by the beat like you live check to check
If you don't move yo' foot then I don't eat, so we like neck to neck
Yes we done come a long way like them Slim ass cigarettes
from Virginia, this ain't gon stop so we just gonna continue

Change the World-Bone thugs and Harmony
"Raising hustlers, thieves and prostitutes
Young homie, think before you shoot, murderer
Where will our children go
When there's no place safe where they can go
And trouble may come and sometimes
You'll get pulled over by one-time
And when the 1999 rewinds, you didn't even make any strides
Murder all around the whole world, it's nauseatin
Everybody's hating everybody, overrated
Why everybody acting agitated, I thought we graduated
Back in the saddle waiting, aboard the battle station
Hating is a birth defect and you know ain't nobody perfect
And when the curtains, close open up the door, no more

"My only bleedin hope
Is for the folk who cant cope
Wit such an endurin pain
That it keeps em in the puourin rain
Whos to blame
For tootin caine in your own vein
What a shame
You shoot and aim for someone elses brain
You claim the insane
And name this day and time
For fallin prey to crime
I say the system got you victim to your own mind
Dreams are hopeless aspirations
In hopes of comin true
Believe in yourself
The rest is up to me and you"