I remember when Eve's song Love is Blind came out, my sister had every single lyric memorized perfectly. I get chills when I think about that song. I don't know why but we related to that song, and loved it. That was 1999 I was 12 years old, fast forward to now and I've seen that sh*t too many times. Heard the horror stories right out of the beaten wife's mouth, seen the bruises, been there banging on the door praying that my friend is OK, and at the worst fearing that my friend could be killed by her man. I choose not to share to many details, for one I get to angry thinking about any women getting hit by a man, and two it would be too much to write.
Its easy to say "that broad is dumb for staying" but what about when you have kids with someone it gets real messy then, if you haven't been there you can't really speak on it, but now that I have seen some strong women that I love go through that, I will never judge or make assumptions like that. This past year it seems like domestic violence has been all around me and I even noticed it in music videos. Whenever something is on my mind I write about it, and i wrote a song about being the friend of someone in an abusive relationship that I will put out on my MixtapeA Change Gon Come.
Troubl had a well done write up and also pointed out that domestic violence can also be a women abusing a man. In my experiences its always been the dude abusing a women but I think we don't hear about it when a guy is getting abused cause he thinks he'd be labeled a punk.
So strictly speaking about what I know-women getting abused by their man-there's a lot to break down. As we all know that sh*t progresses over along period of time and most of the time mind games are played. Why is it that we forgive him for physically hurting us when he's supposed to be the one protecting us. I know people always take it to the father daughter thing where either pop's wasn't around or pops hit mom's so now the daughter copies that and defines that as love. Although I think that's a valid scenario. I know plenty of women who never saw abuse from their parents, but still excepted it when their partner did it. So I definitely do not have the answer to this one. But I just wanna provoke the questioning of what, as women, can we do to protect ourselves against domestic violence, and protect each other.
The one thing I can say on a personal level, I've often feared that any dude I've been in a relationship with could flip on me. Especially once he has a ring on yo finger. For whatever reason my mind always went to that place once he has you, he can hurt you. Even after finding someone who is, loyal, my best friend, the love of my life, I still question if marriage would change all that.
I guess you don't know for sure, but you can definitely look for signs when your first dating someone. Last week my homegirl told me about how she was getting turned off by this guy she was dating because he was really aggressive. After I questioned her a little bit, it came out that the guy had been so rough with her that she had bruises all over her arms. The guy was already pushing her around and then apologizing and saying it won't happen again, but then still doin it. Come on now? if that's how it is when your dating it can only get worse.
If a man gets violent with you and you have not directly provoked him by backing him into a corner getting up in his face and pushing him first, then it will only get worse...I'm repeating like a broken record but if some physical violence between you and your partner has already occurred, and you honestly think it will get better, the only way is to talk about it with them until you can't talk no more, because it won't go away by itself.
As I write these words I say a prayer for my friend, who I've known most of my life, who is stuck in an abusive relationship, I love her like a sister and I want to see her happy, safe and away from anyone who would ever hurt her, all I wanna do is protect her and her children.
Photography by Emmy Taylor click here
Love is Blind Lyrics by EVE:
"Hey yo I don’t even know you and I hate you
See all I know is that my girlfriend used to date you
How would you feel if she held you down and raped you?
Tried and tried but she never could escape you
She was in love and I’d ask her how? I mean why?
What kind of love from a would black your eye?
What kind of love from a every night make you cry?
What kind of love from a make you wish he would die?
I mean shit he bought you things and gave you diamond rings
But them things wasn’t worth none of the pain that he brings
And you stayed, what made you fall for him?
That man had the power to make you crawl for him
I thought you was a doctor be on call for him
Smacked you down cause he said you was too tall for him, huh?
That wasn’t love, babygirl you was dreamin’
I could have killed you when you said your seed was growin’ from his semen
Love is blind, and it will take over your mind
What you think is love, is truly not
You need to elevate and find"
I don’t even know you and I’d kill you myself
You played with her like a doll and put her back on the shelf
Wouldn’t let her go to school and better herself
She had a baby by your ass and you ain’t giving no help
Uh-huh big time hustler, snake motherfucker
One’s born everyday and everyday she was your sucker
How could you beat the mother of your kids?
How could you tell her that you lover her?
Don’t give a fuck if she lives
She told me she would leave you, I admit it she did
But came back, made up a lie about you missing your kids
Sweet kisses, baby didn’t even know she was your mistress
Had to deal with fist fights and phone calls from your bitches
Floss like you possess her, tellin’ me to mind my business
Said that it was her life and stay the fuck out of it
I tried and said just for him I’ll keep a ready clip
I don’t even know you and I want you dead
Don’t know the facts but I saw the blood pour from her head
See I laid down beside her in the hospital bed
And about two hours later, doctors said she was dead
Had the nerve to show up at her mother’s house the next day
To come and pay your respects and help the family pray
Even knelt down on one knee and let a tear drop
And before you had a chance to get up
You heard my gun cock
Prayin’ to me now, I ain’t God but I’ll pretend
I ain’t start your life but I’mma bring it to an end
And I did, clear shots and no regrets
‘Member cops comin’ in, watch me going to jail
whatever my bitch, fuck it my sister
You could never figure out even if I let you live
What our love was all about
I considered her my blood and it don’t come no thicker"
...I always wonderd if she really lost a friend to domestic violence, either way this an amazing song that is speaking the truth and not holding back, member "i got a man that i think im gon love forEver..." that was my sh*t back in the day, I haven't heard a hard Eve record recently I want the old Eve back, she can still be skinny and feminine and have long hair but I want that thugish Eve that made songs like she didn't five a f*ck who was buying her cd as long as she said what was on her mind...
